Talking Citizenship with the Deputy Head: November 2017

Deportment and good manners: How simple virtues reflect our core values​

At the beginning of the school year, I was visiting a Grade 4 classroom in the West Campus when a young student came up to me, introduced herself, shook my hand, and politely asked me for my name. Both Principal Landry and I were absolutely delighted by the good manners exhibited by one of our younger students. It made our day!
Similarly, I was pleased to hear that during a Senior School class trip to Stratford, a waitress serving lunch felt the need to tell staff members how respectful and polite our students were. TFS is full of such stories: positive examples of living our values of integrity, discernment, respect and engagement. We are privileged to have great students. 

At TFS, we believe it is essential to show good manners in building both good citizens and a strong community; it is an important element of our second pillar - all-round student development. Good manners are an important ingredient, helping bind together the social fabric of our community. It is part of our social contract with one another. As the author Bryant H. McGill says, “Courteousness is consideration for others, politeness is the method used to deliver such considerations.” 

In fact, such actions contain within them all of our values: integrity, for doing the right thing; discernment, for making wise decisions; respect, in seeing others as valued; and engagement, by actively connecting with others as part of our common human experience.

While we will continue to celebrate positive examples when they are demonstrated, we also acknowledge that we have room to grow in this area. In an era when young people spend hours a day on electronic devices, by themselves, the practices of common consideration and politeness can easily be overlooked. They can become disconnected and, as a result, disengaged from the immediate world around them. When I stand outside to greet students in the morning, too often I notice they are lost in their own thoughts and unaware of others around them. For many, it does not occur to them to acknowledge someone in their midst. Simple acts of kindness and consideration, such as saying hello or holding a door open for someone else, get forgotten. That’s not right; we can do better, and we have an obligation to help our students be more respectful and engaged. 

To address this challenge, TFS is working on a number of initiatives designed to raise awareness about the importance of politeness in our students. In our recently updated code of conduct, we speak of respect, civility and responsible citizenship. We believe in promoting a positive school climate, and in treating one another with dignity and respect at all times, including and especially when we disagree. Student demonstrations of appropriate conduct and manners importantly show respect for themselves, as well as for others, and for those in authority. We want all of our students to be ambassadors for TFS both on and off-site. As such, our students, as part of the TFS community, need to realize that at times the communal obligation outweighs their individual wishes. This, too, is an essential part of being a good citizen.

These messages are reinforced at student assemblies and mentorship sessions. Beyond class and student life activities, we ask our staff to be attentive in ensuring that good manners occur in the corridors, on the soccer fields and all other places where we gather as a community. Sometimes it is in exactly those places where we think “no one is looking” that actions are the most telling, and reflective of ourselves as individuals and citizens. We want you to smile (as I do) when you hear how respectful your child was when meeting someone or attending an event.

Paradoxically, in a world where the digital age has brought humanity closer together (but often not in ways that better any of us), we must remain vigilant to reinforce the importance of polite and respectful human contact. If we want our students to be polite, they must know we expect it. As partners in your students' education, please continue to help us in this important endeavour. Together, we can ensure that the young people we educate and nurture become as splendidly adept in the art of human connection, as they are expert in digital ones. 

Michael Burke
Deputy Head, Citizenship and Community Engagement
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